The baby is a…

I was warned by friends that lots of people, strangers even, will have opinions about all of my choices regarding the pregnancy and will have no fear in expressing them. It’s just how it is.

I didn’t experience this until I was in a baby store in Pasadena with my friend Cece. She suggested we go while I was in town since it’s so hard for me to shop when on the island. Since baby gear shopping requires a trip off-island.

Thankfully Cece was there to ask questions on my behalf because I was like a deer in headlights in the store, just wandering around with my mouth slightly agape. So much to take in. So overwhelming. So many strollers!

We were sitting watching as the personal shopper gave us a stroller demonstration when three pregnant women joined us and sat beside me.

“That’s the stroller I wish I had gotten,” the woman to the left of me said, “Because you can add a seat for your second kid. You can’t do that with the Bugaboo and now I have to buy another stroller.”

Makes sense, I thought. Then she told me how her friend was having twins and has to buy a side-by-side for both kids. She pointed at the twin stroller then pointed at her friend.

“When did you find out,” I asked the woman carrying twins.

“Right away,” she told me. “Eight weeks in.”

“Oh,” I said, “Could you hear two heartbeats or something?”

“We could see them both on the sonogram.”

That’s when I foolishly confessed that I still hadn’t had my first sonogram… and they all looked at me like I was insane.

“Oh my god! Are you serious?! How far along are you?!”

I didn’t want to tell them. I knew what the reaction would be. But there wasn’t changing the subject at that point. “Almost 18 weeks,” I said, “But I live on an island and they don’t have ultrasound machines there.”

Way to make it sound even worse, Steph. They’re probably picturing a shack on some backward island where bleeding patients is still a legitimate method of treating illness. Where babies are left to survive on their own. Where cell phones don’t work and there’s not even a hospital. Okay, well that last one may be true. But still… (and to be clear, my cell phone does work in town, just not at the house.)

My point is that these women were FUH-LOORED and seemed to think it was their job to rescue me.

“You’re in L.A. now. Go get a sonogram! Seriously! Please. Just go get a sonogram.” There was a lot of whispering and hub bub. I heard one friend whisper to another, “She doesn’t even look pregnant.” And for some reason that offended me. Do they think I’m lying? Why do I care? I am pregnant, okay? I’m pregnant. Just like you.

But I didn’t say any of that. Instead I just laughed. The truth is, though I was anxious to see our baby for the first time, I wasn’t desperate to have an ultrasound. I had one scheduled for my 18th week and was perfectly fine with that. I mean, come on, my mom never had one and I came out just fine. My brother too.

I was technically wrong about one thing. There is an ultrasound machine on the island. At the clinic. It’s just that the technicians only come over from the mainland every other Wednesday. It’s not like I couldn’t have scheduled one earlier, I just didn’t want to. My midwife (yes, I’m using a midwife… and I love her. I’m not having a home birth, I will be delivering in the hospital) only schedules ultrasounds when necessary. So I won’t be getting one at every visit. Only at key points in the pregnancy and that works for me. I don’t want to micromanage my pregnancy. And I don’t want to be charged for unnecessary ultrasounds. Necessary ultrasounds are covered by my insurance. Unnecessary ultrasounds? Well, I just don’t want to take any chances.

So… yesterday was the big day. Our first ultrasound. As the technician put the little camera thing on my belly, Bob was watching the screen and I was watching Bob. I don’t know why. But I wanted to see his face first. His reaction would tell me what I needed to know: that there was indeed a baby in there.

His eyes went wide and a big smile spread across his face. That’s when I looked and saw our baby.

Here’s the head, the brain, the spine, the heart… pumping fast and strong. And here are the legs.

The technician said, “Okay, are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

There was something between the legs. Clearly.

“It’s a boy,” Bob said.

Definitely? Are we sure? There’s no mistaking? It seemed pretty clear. There was clearly something dangling between the legs. So, yes… we are having a boy.

Wow. My brain takes it in. I think I hear Bob say he was right. Which he was. Which isn’t a surpsrise. He knew I was pregnant before I did. So we’re having a boy. A boy. Wow.

More than anything, the ultrasound made it all real. He’s so well-formed already. I mean, he’s been working hard in there. I’ve been feeling him move around all week so seeing him move in the ultrasound wasn’t a surprise. But, wow… this guy moves a lot!

At first he was lying across my belly. “He’s using your placenta like a mattress,” the technician said. Then he moved again. At one point the technician said, “Oh, look. He’s dancing.” And we saw little arms moving. I could have sworn he waved at us. I could see the knuckle bones in his hand.

Calling family and letting them know the sex was so much fun. I understand why some people choose to wait. To be surprised. But we were just too anxious. And now I have him pictured in my brain. A little boy. We’re having a little boy. How on earth am I expected to accomplish anything when all I can think of is WE ARE HAVING A LITTLE BOY!

And it appears he has my nose.

9 Responses

  1. Congratulations on the pregnancy! We’re also having a boy – I saw his ball bags on an ultrasound and was mightily impressed.

    You might be interested in my blog if you would like an insight into a man’s mind during pregnancy!

    All the best,


  2. So totally happy for ya’ll!! Anxious for him to get here and looking forward to getting a chance to let all of our kiddos (the cousins) get to play!! So awesome.

    And for the record…no biggie about having an ultrasound at 18 weeks. Heck my midwife told me I couldn’t do it till like 28 weeks. That felt like torture waiting that long. Consider yourself lucky. And technology is such a blessing at least our generation has the benefit of finding out ahead of time, whereas the older generations never got the choice. I think it’s awesome. And don’t let all the silly nosey people get to you. People will always be curious because pregnancy is simply fascinating. And some will be rude and not even know they are being rude. It happens. But being pregnant is such a wonderful experience. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. Love you guys to pieces!!

    • So true, Missy. And all of this points to the fact that there are so many different ways to have a baby. Amazing!

  3. Steph~yay! So excited for you guys. So many boys..Obviously exciting either way. I think I had my first ultrasound at 20 weeks, so you’re ahead of me! (Maybe I’m wrong..that’s when I found out the sex, but I think the first).

    On people saying stuff, yes. IT WILL HAPPEN. And it’s super-annoying. People feel the need to chime in, to touch your belly when they don’t know you, to give you unsolicited advice. Some “friends” of mine gave me all sorts of “advice” I didn’t want, so be forewarned. That being said, there’s lots of good advice out there too.

    And I thought of another thing..I’m so happy it was easy for you guys to get pregnant. You deserve something easy!

    • Thanks, Rebecca! Yes, we need to remind ourselves daily that we’re lucky it happened so quickly for us. We’re so completely excited. Feels like we’re joining a club.

  4. Just a small caution – girls can be very puffy down there and so some parents who have painted the room blue, settled on the name etc have been presented with a girl.

    But congrats any way – and remember people have been having babies for millions of years without all the bells and whistles

  5. YAY!!! CONGRATS!!!! a boy!!!!!

  6. Wooo! Another gal having a baby boy! How exciting is it? Mums are always telling me how boys have a soft spot for their mothers and that they’re very cuddly. I found out in early Dec ( and have about 6 weeks to go. I have no idea how I’m going to get any bigger but I know I will. *sigh*

    The best of luck to you!

  7. […] the same nose that I saw on his ultrasound many months […]

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